This is Not a Query Letter: 3 Openers That Miss the Mark
And what to write instead if you want agents to keep reading.
You wrote a query letter.
You typed “Dear Agent,”
You added your genre, word count, and comp titles.
You included a short hook and signed off with “regards,” and “best wishes.”
But!
Did you include the elements you think, or know, query letters should include, or did you write a query letter that grabs an agent’s attention from the jump?
I’m sorry to tell you that there’s a difference between these two.
Let’s fix one of the biggest mistakes writes make: the opening line.
Agents receive hundreds of query letters a month. If your first sentence doesn’t make them sit up, you’re already at risk of being passed over.
Here are three common query letter openers writers use and why they often miss the mark.
❌ Query Letter Bad Example 1:
“This is a deeply personal story about love, loss, and healing.”
Why it misses the mark:
This line is theme, not a hook.
It’s vague.
It tells the agent how to feel instead of making them want to know more.
Agents don’t open your query hoping to hear how much the story means to you. By all means, share this when you have “the call.”
Agents just want to know if they should request your manuscript. There are thousands of stories about love, loss, and healing.
What agents want to know is: What makes your story different? Unique? Stand Out?
Where it belongs:
Maybe the closing paragraph. Or nowhere at all.
❌ Query Letter Bad Example 2:
“My name is Sam, and I’ve always loved writing.”
Why it misses the mark:
This is your bio, not your story’s hook.
You’re leading with yourself.
Here’s what you should know. Agents aren’t interested in you first. Of course, they would be interested in you should they decide to offer you rep, but that’s a different story. Till then, they just want to know if they should request more of your pages. That’s all.
That you’ve always loved writing won’t move the needle. And besides, I sure hope you love writing, because why else would you pick such a difficult craft unless you love it?
Anyways, point is, agents are searching for projects they can champion. For books they can sell. They want a query that grabs them fast. Your writing journey is relevant after they’re intrigued by the manuscript.
Where it belongs:
In your final paragraph if you’re including a short bio. Or nowhere at all.
❌ Query Letter Bad Example 3:
“What would you do if you woke up in a world with no memory?”
Why it misses the mark:
This is a rhetorical question. And guess what?
Nothing irritates agents more than rhetorical questions.
Agents are last people in the world with enough time on their hands to solve riddles no one asked for. They are short on time and just searching for the next great book to rep. They don’t have time for gimmicks, for riddles, or for games.
They need you to get straight to the point. They want to meet your character. To know what’s happening. To feel compelled to keep reading.
You might think writing rhetorical questions like this build curiosity, but it just feels gimmicky. It also tells the agent you haven’t done your research on what agents expect when it comes to query letters.
Where it belongs:
Honestly? Nowhere. Agents find rhetorical question irritating.
✅ What Should You Write Instead?
A great query letter opens with:
Your story’s hook: The moment that turns your protagonist’s world upside down.
Your premise: The situation or setup that makes your book unique.
Don’t have a premise? Get our BOLD premise framework here.
The spark: What makes your character, world, or conflict irresistible.
The opening line should pull the agent in and make them sit up.
Final Thought
Your query letter should be straightforward, not clever, and not gimmicky.
This would honestly just cost you agent requests.
Before you hit send on your next query, ask:
“Am I opening with my story’s hook or stalling with summary?”
Want more tips on how to write a query letter, use this guide.
🎁 Grab Your Free Query Letter Checklist
Need help writing a query that actually gets agent requests? Download the free Query Letter Checklist and make your first line work harder.
